Seeing Her Off
by OffCenterFold
Summary: A series of drabbles of those present as Megumi leaves Tokyo for Aizu.  Includes the former standalone "Beginning the Journey".   Sano uses some not very nice words.
1. Chapter 1

I am not going to turn around. I will not let you see me cry again. All too well I know what I am leaving behind.

You're all so kind. Nowhere in Japan could I ever hope to find friends like you again. Where I am going, I will be alone. More alone even than before. I don't know if there's anyone left. My family is dead or has disappeared. Any friends I might have had would not remember or recognize me, ten years later. Oh, of course they'd recognize my name. They might even recognize my face. It isn't as though I were ugly or forgettable, as we all know so well.

Heh. I can't even fool myself.

I'm not the same person as I was when war tore my family apart. I'm not the same person who cowered under Kanryuu's threats. I'm not even the same person I was not six months ago when I came to that dried up little place you call a dojo.

I hope you get your students back, Kaoruchan. Yahiko does so much better with someone else to motivate him.

And Sanosuke, I don't know what you're going to do with your life. I hope you get a job. Seriously; Kaoruchan doesn't need to support you too. It's bad enough that she's the only one of you who has a paying job.

I'm not sure I can count Yahiko's work at the Akabeko. We all know his ulterior motive – and it does not have to do with purchasing his own sakabatou after all.

That stupid sword... Kensan, so help me, if you ever pick up that sword again I will die just so I can haunt you forever. Although forever wouldn't be very long if you do, because it will kill you that much faster... And one thing I do know is I don't want you to die.

The road is flying by beneath us. This coach is moving too quickly. I'm not ready for this! Stop! Turn around! I can't leave yet! Kensan needs me!

My mouth won't even form the words. I couldn't go back. He doesn't need me anymore, and I've got promises to fulfill. Weeks ago, when Kensan left for Kyoto, do you remember what I said, Kaoruchan? Do you remember how you demanded to know why I wasn't going after him myself, and I told you that I was honoring him by fulfilling my promise to live my life as a doctor? Well, I'm still showing my feelings for him... And it never did me any good. You win. You won his love. And I... I am going north, to Aizu, to live an unforgiving life.

No man would marry a doctor. What self-respecting woman would put her patients before her husband?

This one. This unworthy one.

I am so afraid.


	2. Chapter 2

I will never forget the look in your eyes.

I made an oath; the ones in my sight will always be protected. No harm will come to any that I can protect. It was the oath of a fool.

I take it no less seriously, but I know that the pain in your eyes now is not the same as it was the day I first met you, and I know that this new pain is entirely my own doing.

Not on purpose, of course. I know you understand I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. It breaks my heart every day knowing that I am the reason for that unending pain.

Sanosuke told me about how you looked that day as you tended his hand in the clinic. He told me you were talking about me, after the incident with Shishio. It troubled him. You let your guard down with him; he wasn't prepared. He told me you were talking about how I had changed, how I had allowed cracks in the wall I'd spent so long building around myself. That was when he'd noticed you'd changed, too; he mentioned that he'd said in so many words that were I to have seen you at that moment, I might not be quite so happy where I was.

If I could only tell you how true his words were. The heart may want what the heart wants, but the heart is pretty foolish. It rarely takes into account what others may want or need. It never bothers considering consequences. That's what the mind is for.

My mind says that all your teasing and flirtation is your way of hiding your pain. No one deserves the pain you've suffered, Megumidono. No one should ever look out on the world with such sadness as fills your beautiful eyes.

You're more beautiful than Kaorudono. More graceful, more feminine. One would have to be worse than blind not to notice your beauty and the fragile pride to which you cling so fiercely. Sometimes you think your pride is all you have left. That comes from too many years of suffering and insecurity. It's a feeling I understand well.

Our lives are perhaps too closely parallel; I know what you endure every day. I too love someone who will never smile that special smile for me.

In my case, it's different. She did, once. And then I killed her. I can never smile that smile for you, and I can never tell you how deeply I regret it. More, perhaps, than every death that painted my hands red and my soul black.

I would ask your forgiveness, but I know there's no point. You gave it long ago, from the day I met you. You always forgave me. Even when you learned who I had been, you were surprised but not afraid, not angry like so many others. Everyone else I know found out by chance, or by research. You were the only one I ever simply told. It isn't much to give, but it's all I can offer you. I do love you, in my way. I will never tell you that in so many words; I think you know.

So I wave and smile as you board the carriage to Aizu, Kaoru by my side. I wish you would turn around and see her eyes, how sad she is that you're leaving. It's true that her life will be quieter without your teasing ways, but it doesn't make her any happier. We all wish you could stay, but I know better.

As for me, I only hope that you will find your happiness someday. I don't know if even I could be strong enough for a woman like you. You are independent, spirited, and proud. Even in this modern age, a woman doctor won't find it easy. You are a woman ahead of your time, Takani Megumi, and this humble fool is honored to know you.

Sayounara.

[AN] There are so many pieces about how Megumi feels about Kenshin. I thought it was past time for someone to put his perspective out there. Feedback is welcome. This was originally a standalone until I realized I had a similar drabble for four out of the five characters at that particular scene so figured I'd combine 'em.[/AN]


	3. Chapter 3

I can't believe she's really going. She's been talking about it for a while but it's too soon, as far as I'm concerned.

Is it only six months? Feels like forever; I still remember the day Kenshin and Sano came home with her. That was some crazy day. First the ugly toad fretting that they lost everything, and then they show up with a babe like her. Man, did THAT set ol' Ugly off!

She saved my life. Really saved my life, just like Kenshin did. Of course, if not for her situation I wouldn't have needed her to save me that time – but she's done it so many times since it's not even funny. I'm only ten. I'd bet no other ten year old in Japan has fought as much as me.

Course I've paid the price for it, but I've heard it said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Heh. I'm pretty strong I guess – although I've got a long way to go before I catch up to Sanosuke or Kenshin.

Man, Kenshin's really an idiot to let her go like this. Look at her walk. She's gorgeous. But it's more than that; there's something so grown up about her. Nothing like Kaoru. She's a good teacher and all but sometimes it's hard to remember that she's older than me. She doesn't act it very much. Not like Megumi.

I'm still pretty sore. Too much fighting, too soon; that's what Megumi said. Now I've gotta rest and build up my strength so I can go back to training – I don't care as much anymore if Kenshin won't teach me Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu; I learned a lot by watching him. I'll never master it but maybe I can do something to blend it with Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu…

She doesn't want us to get overemotional. I could tell by the way she talked to Kaoru that she didn't want this to be a scene. I can't let her see me acting so weak, even if I don't want her to go. It just doesn't seem fair. The last time she left us we went after her. This time I know she won't be coming back. Not to stay anyway.

I should've done something more, said something more instead of standing here like a useless kid. Maybe I could've done something to get her to stay.

But no. Sano'd have a better chance of doing something that'd keep her here. She'd yell a lot at him, and complain about it, but she'd stay. I bet he's gonna follow her to Aizu before long, though. And Kenshin…

Kaoru looks so sad, but Kenshin… He's smiling and waving, but even I can tell he doesn't want her to go. Does he know how she feels? She's never said anything but – nah, of course he knows. That's why she's really leaving, I think. He knows, but they both know that as long as Kaoru's there, he couldn't love anyone else. I may never understand exactly what's going on there… This relationship stuff seems so complicated.

I wonder what Tsubame's doing right now…


	4. Chapter 4

Damn. Damn damn damn damn damn. There's nothing I can do. It's always been about him, with her… She came because of him. She stayed because of him. She put this off, because of him.

And now, she's leaving, because of him.

Is the kid right? Do I love her? I don't know. She's sure not the kind of woman I could bring home to the old man and the kids. They'd kill each other. Heh. And wouldn't that be a sight to see…

But it's not like I couldn't get there in a day or so, running. She's right about that much; it's a long trip but it's doable. Farther than Kyoto, for sure. And the opposite direction. I think… Doesn't matter, really. Jouchan looks so miserable. Even the kid looks sad. And Kenshin…

Damn. I don't think I've ever seen him look so fake in his life. Smiling and waving like he ain't gonna miss her as much as the rest of us. I know he knows. The Kitsune's been in love with him practically since the day we met her.

Damned if she wasn't the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Course, her timing sucked. And then she had to be involved in the whole damn opium mess. Stupid woman. I know she had no choice, but still.

Then again, there was never anyone to protect you before, was there. Not since your family disappeared. Now you're off to go find them again. I hope you do, Kitsune. There's nothin' like family to build up your confidence. Besides. What would you do if I came after you one day? There'd have to be someone around to disapprove of me, because if I ever do decide that I love you, there's no way in hell you'd be able to walk out on me. I'd wear down that ice queen mask you wear. Show you that there's more than just one man out there with a caring heart. Someone who wants to protect you, even from yourself if it came to that again.

So many people around, and that damn carriage is moving away so quickly. I'm not going to run after her now. It's the last thing she wants. Hell, be honest with yourself. YOU are the last thing she wants.

All she's ever done is tease, and she's right. I am always mooching off of Jouchan, and from her, too. I've never held down a job. I'm not going after her until I can prove that I'm as good a man as Kenshin is.

Okay. Maybe not QUITE as good. I can learn to cook. I'd even help around the house. But there's no way in hell I'll ever be caught doing laundry. Even her laundry.

Damn. It's too late, isn't it. You're always so damn slow to figure these things out. Sagara-taichou's probably spinning in his grave so fast he's got friction burns, just for having known such an idiot. When the hell did I fall in love with her anyway?

Better not let the others see. Not that they couldn't see right through me, but no sense waving it around like a banner. Keep it cool.

Damn.


	5. Chapter 5

Everything is changing so quickly.

Aoshi and Misaochan left first thing in the morning from the Shinbashi station. And Megumisan departs.

She seems so happy to be going. She even gave me her medicine kit.

It's odd... but she's right. I didn't like her. Now... I do. Not that I'm going to admit it in so many words. She shook things up so much. Too much. And she never did keep her hands off of Kenshin.

But she has been a good friend. Maybe she does play the vixen, but sometimes we've all needed that. She always did know what to say, even if it did get me so angry!

Sometimes that anger was what I needed. Getting angry at her kept me from getting angry at myself, like when Kenshin left. I don't know what would have happened if she hadn't scolded me then. I guess she does know a lot about treating people. She'll do well as a doctor in Aizu.

I'm going to take care of him. The medicines she gave me may not last very long, around these guys, but someday I'll see her again and thank her for them. Sano's right. There will be visits!

Am I ready for her to go? Am I ready to lose the closest woman friend I've had in a long time? Misaochan is closer in Kyoto than Megumisan will be in Aizu, but it's not the same as having someone just around the corner. No, I can handle this. I can handle anything. I'm not alone. There's Yahiko, and Sanosuke's always here... And I have Kenshin.

She's right; I've got to keep smiling for Kenshin! She's looked out for all of us since she came here. I know she's right about that, too.

Megumisan...

And now she's walking away from us with a smile on her face as she turns towards her future. Just like Kenshin said, she's moving on.

Just like that...

Just like that, Megumisan left, and didn't even turn around once. Anyone could see what a graceful, elegant woman she was. I don't know when I will see her next, but until then, I need to grow up some more.

We stood and watched the carriage until we couldn't see it anymore. I don't know what the others are thinking. I'd bet Sanosuke's thinking about food. Yahiko, too, probably. And Kenshin? I can't always tell what he's thinking, but I know that he's staying here in Tokyo. At the Kamiya dojo.

That's my dojo.

My family.

[AN]Yes, I did use the manga as a reference for some of her lines. I've been accused of hating Kaoru. I don't HATE her, I just really LOVE Megumi. :P [/AN]


End file.
